The other day, I was talking to a friend about the upcoming NFL season. Predictably, the subject of the Texans' final record came up and I mentioned (not the least bit facetiously) that "at worst, they go 8-8." I followed that up with "actually... I wouldn't be the least bit surprised with 9-7."

Obviously, this is a lie; I would be very pleasantly surprised with nine wins. Not because I don't think they can do it, however... simply because they never have done it. Totally different.

Anyway, the aforementioned friend challenged me to find nine games on the schedule that the Texans were even somewhat likely to win. I agreed, with the caveat that I am doing this exercise under the assumption that there will be no horrific injuries in training camp that would drastically alter whole seasons. I mean, if LaDanian Tomlinson blows out both knees in early August, then you have to like our chances against the Chargers a LOT more than you do now. So, like I said, barring any of that, I had to come up with nine games. (In order to milk this topic, I am going to do it one game at a time over a series of posts.)

Win #1--Week 1 v. Kansas City. Not too long ago, I wrote over at TexansTalk that the Chiefs' offensive line was demonstrably worse than the Texans' in terms of sacks allowed and sack percentage. Well, you know what? That line got WORSE over the off-season, led by the retirement of future-Hall-of-Famer Willie Roaf. They recently brought in old, slow, and oft-injured Kyle Turley for a workout, mere months after cutting him following a subpar 2006. I'm sure this makes defensive linemen everywhere smile. The rest of the line is made up of household names like "Bober" and "McIntosh."

Now, granted, they still have loads of offensive talent at RB and TE, and could have a decent receiving corps with Kennison, Parker, and Bowe. That is somewhat negated however by the offensive line issues and by rumors that Brodie Croyle is going to be the starter (I'm not buying that; I think Huard will start the season). At some point in this first game, Mario Williams will put a Mortal Kombat-esque finishing move on Huard/Croyle and visibly remove the QB's soul on television. It'll be awesome.

On the other side of the ball, the Chiefs starting defensive backfield is a combined 116 years old. This is not a joke. Both of their starting corners--once Pro Bowlers, in the era of leather helmets I think--are over 30. If you think Ty Law or Patrick Surtain can cover Andre Johnson, well... you're an idiot. They do have a good linebacking corps, but the front four leave much to be desired. This deficit should equate nicely into a 100 yard game for Batman, as he grabs yardage in 5 and 6 yard chunks all day long. (Which, obviously, sets up the play action. Bonus.)

Now, I figure that Larry Johnson will score at some point in this game. He's too good not to. Still, I can see Houston putting up at least 28 points and I don't figure Kansas City to get the ball into the endzone more than twice. So, chalk up a nice opening day win for the Texans.

Labels: Andre Johnson, Batman, Offensive (punch)Line, Preview, Super Mario, Teams that aren't the Texans

Posted by matt on Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 9:08 AM | Permalink