I spent most of the afternoon doing two things--driving fiftyleven miles into rural Arkansas¹ and trying to come up with an argument for the Texans to sign Tank Johnson.

There are myriad reasons not to and they are all pretty obvious. Dude has a penchant for firearms; he couldn't stay out of trouble long enough to complete probation and wound up serving time; he hangs out in places that get his bodyguards/friends killed; he drinks and drives; and² he has had more than enough chances to pull his large head out of his large ass, but has failed every time.

I know all of these, yet I am still intrigued.

Perhaps the most alluring part of signing Tank is that he plays a position (0- or 1-technique, 2-gap DT) where we have struggled³ to get production. What, you want a visual aid?

Maddox, Anthony
2006: 12 G, 24 Tkls, 2 Sacks, 1 FF, 1 FR

Johnson, Travis
2006: 9 G, 8 Tkls, 0 Sacks, 1 PD
2005: 15 G, 23 Tkls, 1 Sacks

See? Now, I realize that neither of those guys has technically played a full, healthy season, and that tackles are hardly the measure of a two-gap tackle. On the other hand, I also realize that Tank could be had for roughly $255,000 this season. (Base salary of $510,000, minus salary for the 8 games of suspension.) I further recognize that Tank would be eligible to practice through camp and up until kickoff of the first game and that, by all accounts, he was a very good player on a very good defense last year. So, I am willing to roll the dice at that kind of price tag for a 25 year old two-gap d-lineman who played on a Super Bowl team.⁴

But what of the influence of Tank the human being? Won't his presence poison the team?

Look around... we have, basically, a group of large, well-paid boy scouts. We are currently more concerned that someone might over commit himself for charity appearances and not be able to make one of them, than that one of them is going to bang a stripper's face on the stage. We also have a defensive leader (Ryans), a coach that seems willing to cut bait if push comes to shove, and good veterans like N.D. Kalu and Jeff Zgonina to counteract any bad vibes. Moreover, I think the pressure Tank would take off of Mario and Manchild in-game would be greater than any detriments he might bring to the team.

Seriously... worst case scenario if you sign him for $300K or whatever is that he screws up (again) and gets suspended (again). Except, while he is suspended, you don't have to pay him, so you are really out no money. As for the whole "poisoning" of the team, I don't buy it. He didn't poison the Bears last year, our guys should be mature enough to deal with him in the clubhouse and ignore him (if need be) off the field, and, honestly, the complaint about him is that he is asstarded off the field. On the field, the man can play.

In the end, I am pretty sure that the turds up north will sign him to a two- or three-year sheet, so this is all probably meaningless. Still, if the chips fell right and we could get him under this scenario, I think it would be a good move.

Of course, I am opining on whether to sign a guy who has been suspended for half the season. Please, god, let the season start soon. Or let one of the scout team guys pull a Rae Carruth.



¹ You got a purdy mouth.
² Whether drunk or not, the man was going 40 in a 25 and swerving. Even Mario would look at that and say, "Damn, that's some DUMB driving."
³ Understatement.
⁴ I am not willing to pull a Jerry Jones / Dan Snyder and take a chance on a longer deal, considering he still faces charges in Arizona that might preclude him from playing for years.

Labels: Anger, Athletes who don't stab people, DeMeco Ryans, Gary Kubiak, Is Roger Goodell gonna have to choke a bitch?, Preview, Super Mario, Tank Johnson's gunrack

Posted by matt on Tuesday, July 3, 2007 at 3:57 PM | Permalink