It's Vince v. Reggie (and hopefully, if you are a Saints fan, some good players, too) in their first matchup since VY tore USC's collective heart out and showed it to them before they died. Of course, this came on the bowl game heels of Young doing the same thing to Michigan in the Rose Bowl. So, as far as Vince goes, I have to grudgingly give him the respect a winner deserves; but I ain't giving Reggie shit.

Anywho...I think I'll liveblog this mother. For a while, anyway.

7:34--Tony Kornheiser explains that the impact of the Saints' resurgence last year was not just a local story, but a national one. He can't be right, though, because I don't recall hearing ANY parallels made between the Saints success and the post-Katrina rebuilding effort. Tony's a liar.

7:39--Spike Lee just welcomed me to N'awlins. And now he's praising the Saints as "damn good." Spike really has nothing to do now that Reggie Miller retired, does he?

7:41--I'll give Saints fans this--they are as hyped as you can possibly be for an 0-2 team. Kickoff goes for a touchback. THERE'S VINCE YOUNG, OMG!!!!!

7:42--Young to Bo Scaife for 20 on the first play of the game. Vince might have the ugliest throwing motion this side of Rich Gannon, but Christ that's a cannon.

7:44--Young to Roydell Williams for another first. Two straight passes. I give Jeff Fisher credit for saying "fuck you, ESPN announcers who will obviously be talking about our running game in the intro."

7:46--Young just introduced the Titans (before completing his fourth straight pass). I learned that Titans players have nicknames such as "Shrek" (Scaife) and "Fat Fuck" (White).

7:47--Scott Fujita introduces the team, but I am too busy wondering why he doesn't look more Asian to listen.

7:50--Michelle Tafoya is talking, so this seems like a good chance to mention that the wife is unreceptive to the idea of naming our forthcoming child "DeMeco."

7:51--3rd & 21...fumbled snap, Vince dropped for a loss of roughly 84. Will Smith got jiggy as hell on that play. (I'm sorry.)

7:54--...And the Saints take the field. Can't you smell the excitement? Eric Metcalf, Jr., gets 2 on an end-around (not a reverse, Tirico, you shit-eating fuck). Wow.

7:56--Pressure, Incomplete Pass, Three-and-out for YOUR N'awlins Saints. At least they made sure the world's Greatest Weapon touched the ball on that possession.

7:58--Great punt return negated by holding and a personal foul. Call me old school, but I am of the opinion that your punt returner should not be run down by five or six members of the opposing team once he has an angle. Crazy, I know.

8:01--Young throws on the run and it's nearly picked of by the curiously named Usama Young. Might just want to go by your middle name, dude. I'm just saying... you ARE playing in the South.

8:02--LenDale White makes Ron Dayne look like Kate Moss circa 1995. And I am pretty sure he's using a Hostess cupcake as a mouthpiece.

8:04--Tennessee is moving the ball however they damn well please. The Saints defense must've left with some FEMA trailers.

8:06--FG after two VY incompletions on overthrown balls. The good news is the first quarter is moving right along. The bad news is there are still three to go. Aside from one amazing Vince run, this is like watching a Big Sky conference game.

8:09--SuperDuper Reggie is on the kick return team. as an up man. Fake handoff to Bush around the 10. Anyone who didn't see that coming, please raise your hand so you can be prevented from procreating.

8:13--Drew Brees just referred to Bush as "the human highlight reel" in the intros. First, that's Dominique Wilkins' nickname you uncreative twat. Second, here is my favorite highlight on the reel.


8:14--Really crappy pass on 4th & 1. Three-and-out. This is like that movie... with Bill Murray... where everything was the same...

8:16--First quarter ends on a LenDale rush. By the way, did you realize that White got the last seven rushes by a USC back in the national championship loss? Or that Bush touched the ball less than 20 times combined (receptions and rushes)?

8:20--Scaife runs a two-yard route on 3rd & 3. S-m-r-t. Chris Brown is able to convert on 4th, though, so maybe it was all a ruse by Fisher. He's crafty.

8:21--Flea flicker! It doesn't work, but, man, I love that play. And reader Will points out that we should try the same play at some point, considering we do almost nothing--oh, TD Tennessee, making it 10-0...Saints suck--tricky. An apparent hand-off to Leach with Jacoby flying down the sideline... I've said too much already.

8:26--Holy hell, was that an Eminem song that played us to commercial break? Roger Goodell does not approve!

8:28--Reggie Bush alone in the backfield...catches the dump pass for a loss of four or so. Can you actually see my smile as I type this? Colston makes up for it with a first down grab on the next play. Which would be their FIRST first down. Jaws says the have "giddyup in their step," and I'll take his word for it.

8:31--Brees is picked off by the underrated Keith Bulluck. Odds that Drew is praying for a levee failure right about now?

8:32--And the kindly Mr. Young throws it right back to the Saints. Seriously, this game sucks.

8:38--Three plays: Dropped 2-yard pass to McAllister. Throwback across the field to McAllister for one yard. Incomplete pass over the middle. So, I ask you: how in the world was this the best offense in football last year? I really, truly do not understand.

8:42--White pushes the pile like he's fighting his way to the front of the Denny's buffet. "I want those eggs, bitch! Get out my way, bitch!!"

8:44--3rd & 2...Vince underthrows his WR. Welcome to Puntsville, population YOU.

8:45--Bad decision by the punt returner, who eschews the fair catch and much prefers getting the shit knocked out of him by Michael Griffin. And, because of a penalty, the Titans will rekick...WITH REGGIE BACK FOR THE PUNT!!! OMG!!! CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT?!?!?! I JUST CAME!!!!

8:46--Seven yard return by God's Chosen Running Back. Cock tease.

8:48--McAllister in the lockerroom for x-rays, meaning THE GREATEST PLAYER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD is in at RB. Oh, he just got tackled for a loss on that handoff. 2 rushes for 3 yards so far. Wowza.

8:49--Big pass from Brees to Colston, who gets down almost to the 25. Might want to do more good stuff like that.

8:50--Or just get a three-yard pass to the TE. Shine on.

8:52--Super Jesus gets 6 on the carry, totally absolving all of humanity of their sins.

8:53--Tony K is questioning whether Bush is overrated as an RB. And Jaws agrees. I feel woozy. I though this was ESPN. Where am I?

8:54--Aaron Stecker in at RB, so Bush can be a WR. Stecker gets the first down, but it was probably because of Reggie's amazing presence on the field. Super Jesus decoys all!!! (Yes, I am getting loopy. Wine and prescription drugs will do that. But even in my inebriated state, I can see greatness, damn it.)

8:56--Lance Moore just pulled in the best four-yard sideline catch you'll ever see. Go Toledo Rockets!

8:57--3rd & 5...Brees avoids the sack by shoving his face into the oncoming hand of Antwan Odom. FIRST DOWN!

8:58--The World's Most Amazing Human Being Ever Birthed On Our Planet comes up just short of the endzone on a draw. But it is going to be reviewed! Everyone, hold your collective breath!

9:01--Upon further review...the runner did fail to reach the endzone. How can that be? HOW?!

9:02--GOD'S FAVORITE SON, WHOM HE LOVES MUCH MORE THAN JESUS just dropped an easy TD pass. Yes, I am smiling.

9:03--Third try is a charm, as First Ballot Hall of Famer Reggie Bush gets the one-yard TD run. His line tonight? 5 carries, 13 yards, 1 TD. Oh, and one catch for -5. Quality.

9:04--Vince Young might be injured? This is great news for anyone who prefers their team to be piloted by an alcoholic racist.

9:05--Collins takes the field as Tafoya tells us it is an issue with Vince's wrist. Wait a second... I'd completely forgotten that Drunky McKlansman was a #5 overall pick.

9:06--Relax... Vince's wrist problem is just caused by cramps. It must be that time of the month.

9:08--Sweet, merciful halftime. Oh, fuck, it's Berman. I'm getting a snack.

9:22--...aaaaand, we're back, though I'm sure none of us has exhaled since Vince left the field.

9:23--Tafoya tell us Vince is fine, per Coach Fisher. Just to prove he is tough, Vince slapped some teammates with that hand. In game news, Baby Jesus' Golden Hair just lobbed the ball back to Brees, who was promptly murdered by five dudes.

9:25--Three-and-out and a punt. The more things change...

9:29--Blah blah Vince's arm blah tough blah blah LenDale ate a pony blah. Three-and-out, punt forthcoming. Who wants me to just start linking to random porn? Anyone?

9:31--Tired by his enormous workload, BUSHGOD takes a seat so Aaron Stecker can get some face time.

9:33--I have to say, this ESPN criticism of Bush, no matter how slight, is a nice touch. An unexpected nice touch.

9:35--Our Lord and Savior gets 11 on a dump pass. Nice moves there. I'm sure they drafted you hoping that you'd be a great check-down option. Oh, Stecker is in at RB now because the Saints actually want to run the ball between the tackles.

9:37--Nice pass and catch by Colston, who gets down to the one. AllahGodMohammedJesus punches it in from one yard out. 14 yards rushing and 2 TDs. He is apparently Jerome Bettis, circa 2005.

9:39--Let me just go ahead and state how annoyed I am that Reggie can look like dogshit carrying the ball, but still have two TDs. I am even more annoyed thinking about how ESPN will only show the TDs. And, no, I STILL wouldn't take him over Mario. I'm rambling again...

9:41--Michael Griffin with a nice return out to the 41. In other news, it appears my prayers that the Superdome collapse tonight will not be answered. I suppose this is what happens when you take EVERY diety's name in vain.

9:43--Chris Brown busts off a big run and, just like that, the Titans are inside the NO 40. Let's go, Titans?

9:45--White powers for a big first down and seemed to be face-masked for 4 seconds with no call. It's a brave man that sticks his fingers inside LenDale's cage.

9:47--Defense offsides. Free first down. Way to follow up that impressive drive, New Orleans. I'm sure Drew Brees appreciates the breather, but maybe get a stop if you want to win a game this season.

9:51--Young throws a horribly ugly pass on the run to Eric Moulds. Great catch by Moulds, too. Tony K just made an age joke about Moulds. He's so witty and irreverent. Catch being challenged. As is my will to live.

9:53--Play upheld. Fuck you for challenging Mike Carey.

9:54--TD, White. Titans lead. Saints still suck.

9:58--Bush for 1 yard. Unfortunately for the Saints, they were more than one yard from the endzone.

10:01--Brees leaps for the first down and gets nailed by three defensive players. He's no Joseph Addai. 10 points for courage; 2 points for brains.

10:03--The leap was for naught, as Brees fumbles on the next snap. Titans ball. If they score a TD on this drive, the bloggin' is done for tonight.

10:05--Great patience by VY waiting for Roydell Williams to get open. Nice pass, too. Vince is apparently only 12 of 20 for 150+, 1 TD, 1 INT, but this sure seems like one of his better passing performances that I've seen. Odd.

10:07--Tirico points out that a QB who can run well is a dual threat. He is so wise, that Tirico. I can totally understand why he replaced Dan Patrick on the radio show. Tirico is also a dirty, dirty man.

10:09--Titans are down to the 2-yard line. Inertia prevents LenDale from cutting, so he plows into a pile of bodies for no gain.

10:10--NICE pass on the rollout from Vince to Scaife. Touchdown, Titans. Bedtime, Matt.

Labels: Athletes who don't stab people, Bad Idea Jeans, Reggie Bush, Teams that aren't the Texans, Vinsanity

Posted by matt on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 7:34 PM | Permalink